But the more I learn about death penalty and the cooperation with everyone, I've learned a lot more than what I thought I shouldn't or wouldn't have learned. I wouldn't have learned how important every single part of everyone's work in a group was tragically important, how emotional our leaders could become, how death penalty could actually affect someone's life massively in different views, how literally acting in a court could actually affect people's point of view, how attitude, general knowledge, speaking, listening, all together were so important in a matter of seconds.
These were actually all quite new for me, because personally? Everyone has always told me to be the leader of the group, so I was not able to know how it felt like to be, "a worker." I have and will always be a perfectionist. A perfectionist would always want everything to be at the most, perfect. So, I don't really like to be working in a group for a great big project, since I have this mentality if I eventually do, I would be a slack and I would tend to turn quite emotional if someone doesn't go the way it should be. I have tried to stop being that way but, somehow, I tend to get more scolded and more confused.
I am never able to act or talk loudly or properly. This is due to no confidence in myself. Due to the court case previously, I have given an attention that the court case is a symbol of life. How it could be unfair, how it could show that people don't care about other people's views or opinion, just there own and how fakers could rule everything. Sometimes I think I should be original, but honestly, who in the god damn world is original? Everyone's fake.
The skills that I used or developed in my learning was that I communicated with other members in my group to discuss about what topics we were suppose to talk about and understand even more, to try to be calm and not rush things at once since I'm done with being so nervous about absolutely everything and making myself feel like a failure.
